as;jsgdjey I love when I stop being crazy and things go back to normal and it’s good and happy and smiley and things are so much easier to handle knowing there’s one less thing I’ve fucked up and yes good.
Guy I hooked up with on holiday is talking to me on facebook and oh. my. god. he’s just so… Not smart. His typing is awful and it takes considerable effort to decipher what he’s saying to me.
Why do I hook up with people, and why do they always seem to try and stay in touch erghh if I wanted your number I’d have asked how did you even find me on facebook whyyy?
I fucking love my friends.
Just had one of them call me and tell me they heard I was in a bit of a state last night and said if I needed her I could call her or her mom would drive her up here, or me to her, and she’d stay with me.
My friends are wonderful, just when I think I’m all alone they come through for me. Definitely what I needed.
I told my Mom about my cutting today.
She was surprisingly strong about it. Given what her life is like at the minute I thought she’d have a slight break down. But she just stayed calm and said she’d take me to the doctor’s, so.
Try and nip this one in the bud shall we.
To do list tomorrow:
- try and get to church
- call my mom
- book in at doctors
- try and book haircut
- talk to my brother and sister
Not for me, for everyone else, I’m going to try and nip all this crap in the bud this time. Then sort out leaving the country for a while.
depressing truth is that I want someone to notice… I want someone to be stuck with how much of a fucking liar I am. I want someone to be horrified and sickened and then actually care. I want help. But I don’t want to ask for it because that’s like attention seeking. Except wanting someone to notice and wanting them to take action off their own backs is so much worse ARGH WHY DON’T MY FUCKING THOUGHTS MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE EVER.
